Day 13: A very sad story

    Bob, Jake, and Scott were at a convention together and were
    sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 story sky scraper.
   

    After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the
    elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb
    75 flights of stairs to get to their room. 

    Bob said to Jake and
    Scott, let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by
    concentrating on something interesting.  I'll tell jokes for 25
    flights, and Jake can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can
    tell sad stories the rest of the way.  At the 26th floor Bob
    stopped telling jokes and Jake began to sing.  At the 51st floor
    Jake stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories.  "I will
    tell my saddest story first," he said.  "I left the room key in
    the car!"

Day 12: What a Country!

Comedian Yakov Smirnoff writes: “Coming from the Soviet Union, I was not prepared for the incredible variety of products available in American grocery stores. While on my first shopping trip, I saw powdered milk — you just add water, and you get milk. Then I saw powdered orange juice — you just add water, and you get orange juice. And then I saw baby powder — I thought to myself, What a country!“

from:http://willyac.wordpress.com/category/funny-stuff/laughter-the-best-medicine-readers-digest/

Funny Pepsi Commercial

Day 11: Your name please...

The police car, its siren blaring, raced in front of a speeding car and forced it to stop. A heavily built policeman got out and walked over. ‘
You name, please?’ asked the policeman, taking out his notebook and pen. ‘

Certainly, officer,’ replied the driver. ‘

It's Horatio Xerxes Laertes Idomeneus Aeneas Asclepius Iphicles Menoeceus Memnon Philoctetes Tyndareus Hylas.’

The policeman thought for a moment, then looked at his notebook, shook his head and said: ‘I'll just give you a warning this time  don't break the speed limit again.’
from:http://www.scribd.com/doc/10815/Readers-Digest-Best-Jokes

Day 10: It is good to be an Engineer

Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference. At the station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought only one ticket between them.
 ‘
How are you going to travel on a single ticket?’ asked a lawyer. ‘

Wait and watch,’ answered one of the engineers.

 When they boarded the train, the lawyers took their seats, but the thre e engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train started, the ticket collector arrived. He knocked on the toilet door and asked, ‘Ticket please.’

The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The ticket collector took it and moved on. Seeing this, the lawyers decided to the same thing on the return trip.

So when they got to the station, they bought only one ticket. To their astonishment, the engineers didn’t buy any. ‘
How are you going to travel without a ticket?’ asked one of the perplexed lawyers.
‘Wait and watch,’ answered an engineer. In the train, the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers into another nearby. Soon after the train started, one of the engineers got out of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding.

He knocked on the door and said, ‘
Ticket, please.’

from:http://www.scribd.com/doc/10815/Readers-Digest-Best-Jokes

Day 9: 0 to 200 in 6 seconds

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.

from: http://www.coolfunnyjokes.com/

Day 8: Children's Science Exam

If you need a laugh, then read through these Children's Science Exam  Answers.

 Q: Name the four seasons. 
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

 Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. 
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large  
pollutants  like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

 Q: How is dew formed? 
 A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

 Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant, love this!)
 A: Keep it in the cow.

 Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? 
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends  
to  flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature
 hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

 Q: What are steroids?
 A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

 Q: What happens to your body as you age?
 A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

 Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? 
 A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

 Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
 A: Premature death.

 Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
 A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and  
the  abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the  
heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E,  I,  
O, and U.

 Q: What is the fibula?
 A: A small lie.

 Q: What does "varicose" mean? (I do love this one...)
 A: Nearby.

 Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
 A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome

 Q: What does the word "benign" mean?' 
 A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight

from: unknown source